Confession #7

I don't have anything to say today.

I was going to do a couple of things, but didn't. It's been a blasé kind of day. Really, it's been a pretty weird week and a half.

Hah. I start this out by saying that I don't have anything to say today, yet lookit. Here I am. Blabbering on again.

I've always thought about doing YouTube videos. The quality of videos on YT has gone up considerably over the past few years, and it's been looking amazing. I know that it sounds like I just want to jump on a bandwagon... But taking videos/vlogs, along with other things, has always just had this allure to me. I don't know why. It's special and it's mine and yeah.

Confession #6

I don't think I'm very interesting.

Now, this has several implications to go with it.

First of all, I think I'm pretty boring. Which, as a matter of fact, sucks. Why? Well, it ties into things like not being able to talk to people about a multitude of things that may be interesting for both parties, thinking that you're boring the other person out of their right mind, losing confidence.

I also tend to think that I have to keep a conversation flowing all. the. time.

This, however, and in my opinion, isn't true. No one person needs to keep a conversation flowing all the time. All that points to is the fact that the other party is uninterested, bored, or they themselves think they are uninteresting.

One thing that I do notice, though, is that it seems to be a huge downward spiral. You try to get a conversation going with a topic, yet it fizzles out, even though you try your hardest to keep it going. Failing that (not necessarily your fault), you try another topic. Even less reaction. Now you start to feel downright silly. So it peters out into the topic favoured by many:

"So, nice day outside, eh? What'd you do on this sunny day of epic?"

"Not much... You?"

*sighs*

This doesn't just happen in the dating game, this happens with friends as well.

Bah.

There you go. 2 posts, 1 day.

Ew.

Confession #5

This one kinda follows in the footsteps of #4.

I forget. It happens. I'm also not the greatest at doing things regularly.

I don't know why, but it just feels like monotony is the bane of my existence. And what's more monotonous than repetition. Not much... Well, maybe watching 2001: A Space Odyssey, at 1.30am. Though, if you're doing that, then you've probably exhausted every single other resource that you know of in terms of sleep aid... I know. I've been there.

Back to the topic at hand. I have lots of trouble keeping up with things. For example, I've never been able to complete a video game over the past ... decade or so. Maybe that's why I loved World of Warcraft so much... There wasn't really an "end", per se. Guild Wars became kind of boring, insofar as content. But WoW, there's really no end to it, and there's always something to do.

This blog... This blog had a few straight days of posts, and then BOOM! Nothing over the weekend. I don't know why it happens... It just does. Something that I'm trying my hardest to avoid.

It's even spilled into my workouts. I've become lazy with going to the gym. I'm seeing results, but I guess my mind's like "No, we're just not going any more". That I can't let happen. I have to get to the gym regularly, else I'll just wallow in my own self-pity and regress a year.

So that being said, here's a random fact for you:

The custom of drinking tea originated in England when Catherine of Bragança married Charles II in 1661 and brought the practice of drinking tea in the afternoon with her from Portugal.

(from Wikipedia, Tea (meal) )

Confession #4

Hey.

I forget. It happens. So sue me.

Confession #3

I don't know when to shut up sometimes.

Confession #2

I ... truthfully, if I didn't have to do anything at work today, I wouldn't have.

What a fucking lazy day at work. I could have just done nothing. At all. Would I have felt good about it? No, probably not... But I wouldn't have done anything either. Decent trade-off? That's just one of those questions.

Actually it was a good day. I'll admit, I enjoy it when I have things to do at work, that don't involve trying to learn a new coding language. It mixes up the day a bit. Keeps me interested. Kind of. I think.

Anyways. I enjoyed today at work. The analyst I work with was back after 5 weeks off, and had some things to be brought up to speed on. I spent most of the day fixing up her laptop, too. Had the usual mess of whatevers going on with coworkers, which were fixed with due speed.

All in all, just a regular day. Could have stayed home and been just as productive. So what is it that drives us to try and BE productive?

Is it because we love our job? Is it because we feel like we have to? Is it because if we don't we'll lose our job?

Or is it because we feel the need to fill in 8 hours of our day with crap that betters other people, but possibly hinders us from advancing? Ok, well that doesn't really happen... Because anything that we don't understand, we should be finding out more about, right? Right. At least, I try to do it.

This is what's leading me to head back to school, though. Still not 100% sure what direction in IT I want to go but ... Yeah.

That's about it for now. Bored? Yeah, me too.

Confession #1

I love food.

Yeah, I know, most people do. We all love food, right? Like, what's not to love? It tastes great, it's nutritious, gives us energy, and helps us shut our stomachs up.

But food's tricky.

I love food. I love eating it. I love smelling it. I love sampling new things... But I eat carbs. Cars are my enemy. Carbs are single-handedly destroying my workout goals, one by one.

Why, you may ask?

Well, I'm half Italian, which means that I love me my pastas, my pizzas, my calzones... Problem is, they're all carbs. Now, carbs taken in moderation are awesome. They provide long term energy.

The problem is that if you don't use 'em efficiently/soon enough, carbs turn to fat. Herein lies my problem with them. Maybe it's because I'm doing a strength-training program that I don't feel like doing any cardio. Maybe it's because I'm a lazy git that I don't feel like changing my diet.

I can tell you that those are the exact reasons why, actually.

What any program boils down to, is diet. Being a normal man, I haven't brought my diet into check. So, while making gains in strength, I'm still making gains in the old Molson Muscle area. Not. Fun. At. All. While I confess to loving food, I also must confess to HATING food. It trips me up so badly that I can't even begin to fathom where I might be if my diet was 100% spot on.

Oh, by the by, when I say diet, I'm referring to the food I put into my system... Not the Atkins diet or Weight Watchers or what have you. Purely the amount of calories/proteins/carbs/fats that go into my system.

For that, I am at a loss.

There ain't not nobody but you

It's taken me a long time to really appreciate these words. I haven't thought about myself in such a ridiculously long time that it's hard to fathom that there's a "myself" at all.

But there is.

Events over the past while (take your pick: 6 months or 4 years) have kind of led me to sitting down with me, contemplating what it is to be me... And just who this me person really is. If I can, I'd like to break it down, starting with what I know. This will sort of come as a vomiting of words and ideas, but bear with me, if you would.

1. I don't know who I am: I think that we're mostly all under this false pretense that we know who we are, what we want, and where we're going. But for the vast majority of us, no, back that up. For ME, I'm not sure who that is anymore. I used to be the quiet guy... The one who had a bunch of friends but never really spoke up about things. That unfit guy who never played sports, read a lot, played Magic, was awkward with pretty much everyone, the guy who'd be around to drive you home, that sort of thing. But, really, who IS that? Who AM I?
2. I don't know what I want: I'm not alone with this one, I'm sure. Well, I know what I DON'T want. But that's for me to know.
3. I'm at a point in my life where I need to expand my horizons... This means getting into more stuff related to my field. Finishing up Cégep isn't enough for me... But it's taken a couple of different events to actually drill that into my head.
4. There ARE things that I'm doing my best to change... Most prominent of them being getting stronger. I've never been fit or active... Now I'm doing my best to keep at the gym at least 3x a week.

So, there are 4 little points about what's going on in the tête de me right now.

Confessions upcoming, don't worry ;)